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Life Lessons - Part 1
Stupid fluffy 100% gratuitous low fantasy AU with a cheesy title. Small village, Soren is a schoolteacher, Ike is a patrolman, they meet and cute happens.
This all written in one sitting with no editing and the aid of what appears to be my iteration of PMS!Soren. I am ashamed.
There was a kitten stuck in the tree that shaded the schoolhouse. At first Soren had simply tapped his pointer against the cracked chalkboard, instantly bringing ten pairs of nervous eyes to figures on the board. Three times four is twelve. Three times five is fifteen. Three times six...
But as soon as he had them stop reciting the figures, someone's head would slowly tilt over to the insistent cat cries from outside. To watch them, you'd think head turning was contagious.
“Chad,” Soren said, making good on his threat with a smack of his pointer against the back of Chad's hand. Chad gave a small squeal of surprise and withdrew his hand, looking up at Soren sourly. “Pay attention. Tomorrow I'm going to quiz you on multiplying by threes–”
Meow.
“–And I'd better not hear any hesitation. Understood?”
Meow.
“Yes, Teacher,” ten children piped, grumbled, and muttered.
“Dismissed by lunch. Be back in half an hour.” With distaste, Soren watched them scamper out the door. He took the rag from the corner of his desk and began to wipe his neat figures from the board.
Meow. Meow!
The stupid cat was crying even louder with all the kids bunched up under the tree. Soren thought to himself that a well-directed blade of wind might put it out of its misery.
“Children!” Elincia, the ever-beloved principal made herself present in the scene outside the window. “Please, let it be. The kitty's just scared.”
“But we should help it down!”
“Yeah!”
“I bet he's scared!”
“Now children,” Elincia said with infinite patience, “I know you want to help, but all it needs is space. It'll find its way down safely.”
“But we should help it!”
“Yeah! We can't just leave it alone!”
Soren produced his lunch from his bag, a simple piece of bread with cheese wrapped in a cloth. He wondered if anyone else would actually use their lunch period to eat. Well, it wasn't anything to him. He took a bite and eyed the paddle in the corner. The children were always so fussy after going just a few hours without something to eat, but it wasn't anything he couldn't control.
He had time to finish his lunch and savor a few leisurely moments of reading before the children started to stumble back into his room at one o'clock sharp. Soren was secretly satisfied at how well he'd trained them.
Afternoon was spent on history. Today's topic, with a side of meowing, would be on the founding of their nation, Crimea, by the Senator Caradock...
He wasn't five minutes into the lecture when the principal came in. Without a pause in the lecture, he continued, “... Caradock had the support of one wing of the Holy Guard, and with the apostle's secret approval, the Cardockian sympathizers began their resettlement in the northwestern wilderness.” As he quietly caught up writing those words on the board, Elincia cleared her throat.
“I thought we would give a special lesson today,” she said brightly.
Soren broke off writing mid-sentence. He was not amused. Meow, the kitten cried.
“Does everyone in here know what a patrolman is?”
Half the class raised their hands, including Chad. Soren did not question where he had gained that knowledge.
“A patrolman is coming here today to help with the kitten stranded in the tree outside.”
The class cheered. Soren gave them a withering look and they cheered a little quieter.
“I thought it would be a good opportunity to learn about our servicepeople,” she continued cheerfully. “Soren, why don't we bring the class outside for our lesson?”
Soren gave her a look that might have meant If you're going to interrupt my meticulous lesson plans, you could at least give me an afternoon to myself. But Elincia was the principal, after all, and Soren did not intend to demonstrate how to subvert authority to his well-trained class. “Fine.”
They piled outside like Soren had been trying to drown them in a sealed room with slowly rising water.
Meow.
He wished someone had drowned that kitten before it had the strength to climb.
Meow, meow.
They stood around the base of tree gaping up at the kitten. It was striped orange and laying low on the branch. Elincia kept insisting that the patrolman should come by any minute now. According to Soren's estimate, the patrolman was well over ten minutes late and the children had since lost interest in the kitten.
“Lleu!” Soren snapped. Lleu hid his hands behind his back. “This is still class time. Harass your brother after school is over.” Class time outdoors with worms to stick in other children's clothes. Snot-nosed whiny idiot children....
There was really nothing Soren liked about his job. The unfortunate fact was that, barring operating with the underworld (and he never wanted anything to do with that again), it was the only thing he seemed to be good for.
An uncharismatic calculating mind and a talent for death magic did so little in times of peace.
Meow.
“Teacher...” A word was all that was needed. He made it clear that he wanted no sleeve-tugging. He looked down at the girl staring up at him, teary-eyed. Sophia was quiet and intelligent – bearable. “Teacher, I feel dizzy.”
“Sit in the shade,” he said, gesturing under the tree. “Do you need a drink?” She nodded. “Then go drink.” She toddled off around the corner. A few months ago, Soren might have heard complaints along the lines of Why does she get to go by herself? He ignored them until one day he snapped, Because she'll come back promptly without causing any property damage. If he had known how well it would shut them up, he would've said it earlier.
Meow.
“He's coming, children! Be good.”
The children clumped around Elincia with wide, innocent looks as the man stopped briefly at their open gate. He was muscular and rough, with a shock of blue hair that was bright even at this distance.
Something about him seemed familiar to Soren.
“Hey,” he called as he approached. “I heard you've got a kitten?”
“Oh, yes!” Elincia called back. They shook hands as Elincia introduced him to the children, educationally. Children, this is Ike, he's a patrolman. Patrolmen look after blah blah blah good of the citizenry blah blah blah safety and security blah blah blah...
Soren couldn't shake the feeling that he'd seen Ike before. He observed the knit of his eyebrows, the generous curve of his nose, the sharpness of his jaw. Ike was undeniably familiar in a way he couldn't place. ... That was never a good sign.
Elincia continued her lecture. Look, children, Ike is going to climb the tree and save the the kitten! Now I know you can all climb trees but we're worried for your safety. Your parents blah blah blah if you were injured blah blah blah....
Ike reached the branch and the kitten huddled in terror. Watching from below, Soren instantly saw a problem with this. The branch couldn't possibly support Ike's weight. If he were principal, he would've sent Chad. If his more delinquent moments were any indication, Chad could easily climb up, rescue the kitten, and be done with it.
Without any chance of the branch snapping and falling ten feet to his doom.
Ike crawled forward on the branch and it bent a little.
“Ike,” Elincia called, “I don't think that'll work....”
“Just a bit further,” Ike called back.
If he told Ike to stop, he doubted he'd listen. Soren thought furiously of the most nonlethal wind spell he knew to possibly cushion the landing of a 200-pound muscleman – perhaps if he cast it at a slant? The branch shook a little more as Ike crawled forward. Above him, so that the vacuum would counteract gravity? Perhaps two blades about him so that –
Something was falling toward his face.
Reflexively, Soren stepped back to dodge it. He gave an undignified strangled sound as he found a kitten clinging to the front of his robes.
“Hey! Did you catch it?”
Soren grabbed the animal by the nape of its neck and plucked it from his robes with the least damage possible. He peered up into the tree, where the patrolman still clung to the branch. “Yes. It's safe.”
Soren suspected that if it were Elincia, the children would be swarming him with requests to touch the cat and turn its ears inside out and marvel at what color its gums were. He was not Elincia, however, and they kept their enthusiasm within themselves as they tried to will Soren into letting them do these things with the wideness of their eyes. He ignored them, the kitten still held in one hand away from his body like dead vermin, his dignity wounded but intact.
Ike ambled down from the tree eventually, and Soren purposefully placed the kitten into his hands.
“I don't think I've seen you before,” Ike said. “Are you the new teacher? What's your name?”
“Soren.”
“Nice to meet you, Soren.” He stuck out a hand and Soren gingerly reached out to shake it. Ike's grip was firm and a tight, his hand rough from the hilt of a sword and tanned from days in the sun.
Something about this was very familiar.
Soren really hoped he was wrong about that.
This all written in one sitting with no editing and the aid of what appears to be my iteration of PMS!Soren. I am ashamed.
There was a kitten stuck in the tree that shaded the schoolhouse. At first Soren had simply tapped his pointer against the cracked chalkboard, instantly bringing ten pairs of nervous eyes to figures on the board. Three times four is twelve. Three times five is fifteen. Three times six...
But as soon as he had them stop reciting the figures, someone's head would slowly tilt over to the insistent cat cries from outside. To watch them, you'd think head turning was contagious.
“Chad,” Soren said, making good on his threat with a smack of his pointer against the back of Chad's hand. Chad gave a small squeal of surprise and withdrew his hand, looking up at Soren sourly. “Pay attention. Tomorrow I'm going to quiz you on multiplying by threes–”
Meow.
“–And I'd better not hear any hesitation. Understood?”
Meow.
“Yes, Teacher,” ten children piped, grumbled, and muttered.
“Dismissed by lunch. Be back in half an hour.” With distaste, Soren watched them scamper out the door. He took the rag from the corner of his desk and began to wipe his neat figures from the board.
Meow. Meow!
The stupid cat was crying even louder with all the kids bunched up under the tree. Soren thought to himself that a well-directed blade of wind might put it out of its misery.
“Children!” Elincia, the ever-beloved principal made herself present in the scene outside the window. “Please, let it be. The kitty's just scared.”
“But we should help it down!”
“Yeah!”
“I bet he's scared!”
“Now children,” Elincia said with infinite patience, “I know you want to help, but all it needs is space. It'll find its way down safely.”
“But we should help it!”
“Yeah! We can't just leave it alone!”
Soren produced his lunch from his bag, a simple piece of bread with cheese wrapped in a cloth. He wondered if anyone else would actually use their lunch period to eat. Well, it wasn't anything to him. He took a bite and eyed the paddle in the corner. The children were always so fussy after going just a few hours without something to eat, but it wasn't anything he couldn't control.
He had time to finish his lunch and savor a few leisurely moments of reading before the children started to stumble back into his room at one o'clock sharp. Soren was secretly satisfied at how well he'd trained them.
Afternoon was spent on history. Today's topic, with a side of meowing, would be on the founding of their nation, Crimea, by the Senator Caradock...
He wasn't five minutes into the lecture when the principal came in. Without a pause in the lecture, he continued, “... Caradock had the support of one wing of the Holy Guard, and with the apostle's secret approval, the Cardockian sympathizers began their resettlement in the northwestern wilderness.” As he quietly caught up writing those words on the board, Elincia cleared her throat.
“I thought we would give a special lesson today,” she said brightly.
Soren broke off writing mid-sentence. He was not amused. Meow, the kitten cried.
“Does everyone in here know what a patrolman is?”
Half the class raised their hands, including Chad. Soren did not question where he had gained that knowledge.
“A patrolman is coming here today to help with the kitten stranded in the tree outside.”
The class cheered. Soren gave them a withering look and they cheered a little quieter.
“I thought it would be a good opportunity to learn about our servicepeople,” she continued cheerfully. “Soren, why don't we bring the class outside for our lesson?”
Soren gave her a look that might have meant If you're going to interrupt my meticulous lesson plans, you could at least give me an afternoon to myself. But Elincia was the principal, after all, and Soren did not intend to demonstrate how to subvert authority to his well-trained class. “Fine.”
They piled outside like Soren had been trying to drown them in a sealed room with slowly rising water.
Meow.
He wished someone had drowned that kitten before it had the strength to climb.
Meow, meow.
They stood around the base of tree gaping up at the kitten. It was striped orange and laying low on the branch. Elincia kept insisting that the patrolman should come by any minute now. According to Soren's estimate, the patrolman was well over ten minutes late and the children had since lost interest in the kitten.
“Lleu!” Soren snapped. Lleu hid his hands behind his back. “This is still class time. Harass your brother after school is over.” Class time outdoors with worms to stick in other children's clothes. Snot-nosed whiny idiot children....
There was really nothing Soren liked about his job. The unfortunate fact was that, barring operating with the underworld (and he never wanted anything to do with that again), it was the only thing he seemed to be good for.
An uncharismatic calculating mind and a talent for death magic did so little in times of peace.
Meow.
“Teacher...” A word was all that was needed. He made it clear that he wanted no sleeve-tugging. He looked down at the girl staring up at him, teary-eyed. Sophia was quiet and intelligent – bearable. “Teacher, I feel dizzy.”
“Sit in the shade,” he said, gesturing under the tree. “Do you need a drink?” She nodded. “Then go drink.” She toddled off around the corner. A few months ago, Soren might have heard complaints along the lines of Why does she get to go by herself? He ignored them until one day he snapped, Because she'll come back promptly without causing any property damage. If he had known how well it would shut them up, he would've said it earlier.
Meow.
“He's coming, children! Be good.”
The children clumped around Elincia with wide, innocent looks as the man stopped briefly at their open gate. He was muscular and rough, with a shock of blue hair that was bright even at this distance.
Something about him seemed familiar to Soren.
“Hey,” he called as he approached. “I heard you've got a kitten?”
“Oh, yes!” Elincia called back. They shook hands as Elincia introduced him to the children, educationally. Children, this is Ike, he's a patrolman. Patrolmen look after blah blah blah good of the citizenry blah blah blah safety and security blah blah blah...
Soren couldn't shake the feeling that he'd seen Ike before. He observed the knit of his eyebrows, the generous curve of his nose, the sharpness of his jaw. Ike was undeniably familiar in a way he couldn't place. ... That was never a good sign.
Elincia continued her lecture. Look, children, Ike is going to climb the tree and save the the kitten! Now I know you can all climb trees but we're worried for your safety. Your parents blah blah blah if you were injured blah blah blah....
Ike reached the branch and the kitten huddled in terror. Watching from below, Soren instantly saw a problem with this. The branch couldn't possibly support Ike's weight. If he were principal, he would've sent Chad. If his more delinquent moments were any indication, Chad could easily climb up, rescue the kitten, and be done with it.
Without any chance of the branch snapping and falling ten feet to his doom.
Ike crawled forward on the branch and it bent a little.
“Ike,” Elincia called, “I don't think that'll work....”
“Just a bit further,” Ike called back.
If he told Ike to stop, he doubted he'd listen. Soren thought furiously of the most nonlethal wind spell he knew to possibly cushion the landing of a 200-pound muscleman – perhaps if he cast it at a slant? The branch shook a little more as Ike crawled forward. Above him, so that the vacuum would counteract gravity? Perhaps two blades about him so that –
Something was falling toward his face.
Reflexively, Soren stepped back to dodge it. He gave an undignified strangled sound as he found a kitten clinging to the front of his robes.
“Hey! Did you catch it?”
Soren grabbed the animal by the nape of its neck and plucked it from his robes with the least damage possible. He peered up into the tree, where the patrolman still clung to the branch. “Yes. It's safe.”
Soren suspected that if it were Elincia, the children would be swarming him with requests to touch the cat and turn its ears inside out and marvel at what color its gums were. He was not Elincia, however, and they kept their enthusiasm within themselves as they tried to will Soren into letting them do these things with the wideness of their eyes. He ignored them, the kitten still held in one hand away from his body like dead vermin, his dignity wounded but intact.
Ike ambled down from the tree eventually, and Soren purposefully placed the kitten into his hands.
“I don't think I've seen you before,” Ike said. “Are you the new teacher? What's your name?”
“Soren.”
“Nice to meet you, Soren.” He stuck out a hand and Soren gingerly reached out to shake it. Ike's grip was firm and a tight, his hand rough from the hilt of a sword and tanned from days in the sun.
Something about this was very familiar.
Soren really hoped he was wrong about that.
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